My name is Barwuah. Barwuah Balotelli.

Good morning my fellow Ghanaians. As you can all see from the colour of my skin, the shape of my head and my Asante-looking forehead, I am as much a Ghanaian as all of you are. Before I begin, let me make it clear that my name is Barwuah, Kofi Barwuah. Forget about all the talk in Media Italia that I am dying to be Italian. Do any of you think it is possible to change the colour of my skin or change this short and hard hair of mine into soft, long locks like my brothers in Rome? Sorry, did I say brothers? I meant, my neighbours in Rome? I’m sure you all agree with me that, that will impossible unless I am Michael Jackson (May his soul rest in peace).

So please, my fellow countrymen do not accept that long and boring talk in the media; they need to sell information by using me as a bait to get you into buying. How wrong they are. They don’t know that Ghanaians (and I am a proud one) are not gullible (is that the right word?). They don’t know that you are a very discerning group of people who are able to read in between the lines and find the truth for yourselves. They don’t know that Mari…sorry…Barwuah Balotelli is loved and cherished by all Ghanaians. Tell them; my brothers, tell them!

Forgive me my fellow countrymen for I should have held this press conference a long time ago. I haven’t been able to do so until now because so many things have happened to me. You know some of them because they were reported all over the world. For instance, you heard that I, a proud Ghanaian declined to play for Ghana and instead opted to play for Italy. It is not true. Ah, Ghanaians paa, how can I do such a thing? How can I shame my motherland in this untoward manner? Let me tell you that, I have still not received any call to play for Ghana and I have a reason for saying this.

On 7 August 2007, a white man; I think his name is Claude Le Roy or so approached me to play for Guyana. As far as I was concerned, I was Ghanaian and did not see why I should play for Guyana; besides, I thought that the national coach of Ghana would be as black as I am. Later, my agent informed me that Mr. Claude Le Roy was actually the national coach of my country Ghana. That got me confused. I had all the time been under the impression that Mr. Le Roy was from Guyana. My agent would confirm that when I realized my mistake (was it really my mistake?), I felt very sorry and did not eat for about a week. So I want to say here again that I am ready at any time to play for Ghana (they are called the Black Skins right?).

Countrymen, you can imagine my joy when I saw the Ghana team play such classic football in the on-going World Cup. I told my friends in Palermo not to be surprised; they should just look at my skills and ability and understand why Ghana is doing so well. As for the Azzurris, I knew they wouldn’t get anywhere in the World Cup. In fact that is why I don’t even want to play for them. I understand that Kevin-Prince Boateng like me had also lived abroad for a very long time. It was nice to see him play so well with the Ghana team, that’s the spirit, my brother, that’s the spirit! The Ghana team has good players in all departments of the game. Interestingly, my brother, Gian’s goal against USA reminded me of a similar goal I scored against Juventus; no wonder we both come from the same home region in Ghana.

I think that Ghana should have scored so many goals in this World Cup. We have missed so many chances that every time I watch the replays, I scream and shout ‘buei! Buei! This is why I am ready to play for Ghana. When I come into the Ghana team, no scoring chance will elude us, God forbid! I will score from the centre, corner, free-kick spots and even from your much preferred penalty spot. Give me the call up into the Ghana team and leave the goals to me; you will not regret. You have also heard that I am quick tempered and I might throw my jersey on the ground and step on it! Me? Aaah! I will never do such a thing! Imagine me in the all-white Ghana jersey, how nice I would look and you think I will remove that beautiful shirt and step on it? For what purpose, if I may ask? Please forget about all that talk and concentrate on the goals I will score for Ghana.

I’m sure you have also heard from Jose Mourinho that I don’t like training and other things. I think that was a slip from Jose. Look, I train and train very hard okay! How could I have scored all those goals if I don’t train? See, if I didn’t train, how could I have scored in the final of the Copper Italiana when I had come on as a substitute for a player like Luis Figo? If I didn’t train, how could i have scored two goals against no mean a team like Juventus in the quarter final of the Copper Italiana? Listen to me, I will drink Milo in the morning, afternoon and evening and train hard with the team okay!

My fellow Ghanaians, please accept me back into the team. Forget about all you’ve heard and be assured that from now on, Kofi Barwuah is ready to play for Ghana. Even if its not too late, I would like to appeal to the FA to let me join the rest of the team in camp, who knows, I could get my first World Cup medal. Thank you very much and see you all soon.

Signed, Kofi Barwuah Balotelli

(Proud citizen of the beloved Guya…sorry…Ghana)