Ah ghanA mmA!

Look around a bit more closely, open your ears and observe Ghanaians as they talk, laugh, cry and express their emotions. You will find that our society is one big exclamation mark! Take these for example: when we are so sad we feel like crying, we say, ‘ah’; when we are extremely impressed with someone or something, we say ‘ah’. When we eat something and really enjoy it, we say ‘ah’, when we feel cheated or feel someone has pulled a fast one on us, we say ‘ah’. When we are shown so much love, we say ‘ah’, when we are irritated, we say ‘ah’. When we enjoy the breeze, we say ‘ah’; when we look upon something or someone beautiful, we say ‘ah’.

When we are shocked, we say ‘ah’, when we are ecstatic, we say ‘ah’. From our everyday conversations, interactions and activities, the ‘ah’ exclamation can always be heard in diverse ways, running, walking and jumping in-between. And the sound of it is not always the same. The ‘ah’ expression in anger is loud, sharp and crisp! And when you hear the ‘ah’ expression from a satisfied Ghanaian, it is soft, warm and travels with some deep sense of meaning that lasts forever. Now listen to the ‘ah’ expression from a sorely irritated Ghanaian and you will find that it is strong, coarse and pungent. It catches you when you least expect it leaving a sour taste in your mouth. And if you are a first-time visitor to the country, don’t be too surprised if you hear this expression at every turn. In order not to get confused, just take note of the pitch and the rhythm with which they are expressed; in doing so, take particular note of the demeanour of the person expressing it and when you are done, you can walk up confidently to a bystander and say something like, ‘well sir, a gentleman I just met wriggled his wrists at me and kept shouting ‘ah’ all the time. What does that ‘ah’ mean?

Now, a critical look at Ghanaian names confirms this fact. I’ll show you why; take a look at these: AvemegA, AsamoA, AzumA, NanA, NkrumA, AmankwA, VorsA, AtiA, AppiA, AbenA, AkosuA, AdwoA, MensA, MansA, DankwA, AsabeA, NaA, BabA, HamA, AnowA, DuA, AgbokA, AmissA, DebrA, DansoA, AnsA. Do you find that the ‘ah’ exclamation runs through all of them? It is interesting to note that this exclamatory aspect of our society and our essence as Ghanaians has permeated everything including our names! Every name ends with an exclamation and here too, the varying rhythms and sounds define their right pronunciations.

And if you think 26 names are not enough to hang on to this claim, well how about AbekA, AdamA, AdizA, AdjeiwaA, AdomA, YaA, AndA, AliA, AmissA, AnimA, AnobeA, AnyA, ArabA, ArmA, YankA, AttakorA, AwuA, SowA, DwamenA, BentumA, BinkA, BoamA, BraimA, InusA, CobblA, KwabenA, KumasA, MensA… i’m getting tired Ah!

How slow things must have been

Why is everything running so fast these days? In fact, I cannot think of anything that does not have speed woven into it these days. Back then; we used to write letters with great satisfaction. We knew it would take about four days for to be delivered but we did not care. It would take about another three days to receive a reply if one is lucky but that gave us some kind of joy. It was called the joy of anticipation. I remember my secondary school days – we would conveniently mob the letter boy (much to his inconvenience) every time he comes around hoping that some sweetheart somewhere had been kind enough to send us a one-page letter – often written out boldly on a scented letter pad (if the sender is from a Girls’ School) or on a not-so white ‘official’ paper if the sender is from a Boys’ School. Our letter boy was a very interesting sight; it was believed that earlier in his growing up process, he stopped growing upwards. His growth then took a more wider and horizontal turn giving him a ball-like look and the tendency to look up all the time when people talked to him. It was always a sorry sight to see all of us crowded around him, asking all sorts of questions at the same time.

I remember there was so much joy in receiving a letter, reading it and smelling the paper and the ink that was used. The whole letter writing process was an art, often beginning with a lovely thought and then gradually making its way through paper selection, licking postage stamps incessantly and finally ending with the sight of your full name, school address and room number on a mildly crumpled envelope capable of making you the happiest of persons for a whole week! Today, letters and just about everything that goes through the post office is called snail mail! Ask me the last time I entered the post office and I would be ashamed to admit that the answer will not even be a ‘no’; it will be an emphatic ‘I DON’T REMEMBER!’ How slow I must have been then…or was i?

Today, there is fast food, quick searches as opposed to the then long and laborious library research in those days. There’s instant banking, instant news, instant everything. Even court trials have become fast-tracked! Interesting? Wait till you hear this; the very language we speak has become much too slow for the fast-track nature of today’s world and so language is becoming shorter and shorter and faster to communicate! If you send a text message with every word typed in full plus the right punctuation marks, you would be considered old fashioned and not up to date. Text messaging has developed its unique language. You type ‘pls’ when you want to say ‘please’. You type ‘l8r’ when you want to say ‘later’ and so on.

And then this text language evolved into what has become the glorified and more frightening chat language. Hardly will you find any chat message devoid of words (are they words?) like ‘LOL’, ‘TTYL’, ‘OMG’ and the rest. I remember the first time I ever saw the word ‘LOL’ I innocently interpreted it to mean, ‘Lots Of Love’. I was wrong. It meant, ‘Laugh Out Loud’. When I first saw, ‘OMG’ I thought it meant, ‘On My Guard’; it meant, ‘Oh My Gosh’! And i keep asking myself whether I would ever be able to keep up with this. It seems everyday brings with it, new constructions and inventions of this language. Recently, I came across ‘LOOL’; I thought it was a mistake, it wasn’t, it meant ‘Laughing Out Outrageously Loud’! And then there’s ‘SMH’ which means, ‘Shaking My Head’; I must admit, the first time I saw it I thought it meant ‘Somebody Help’. Here are a few more:

ROFL: Rolling On The Floor Laughing

AFAIK: As Far As I Know

CID: Consider It Done

GAL: Get A Life

GBTW: Get Back To Work…etc.

And here are a few that I have laboured to construct for your use (please remember to mention your source anytime you use them).

SUN: Shut Up Now

BOS: Banku Okro Stew

LIL: Laughing Incredibly Loud

OR: Oh Really?

LMSM: Lend Me Some Money

TS: Titus Sardine

TTTTT: Traffic

FB: Football (hmm…sounds like FaceBook)

BAG: Bra Asamoah Gyan

S: Suarez

I: Indomie

WWNE: Wonders Will Never End

AG: Agye-eeii!

EB: Ebe-eei!

OH: Oooo Ho!

These are what I have for now. I hope to come your way again with newly developed constructions for your use. But on a more serious note, I can’t help believing that very soon, our verbal conversations will become much faster than they are today. Our much preferred ‘Ghanaianized expressions’ will all fade away leaving things like ‘O’ for our characteristic ‘Ooo exclamation; ‘A’ for our ‘Ahaa!, ‘S’ for our ‘Saaa? And so on…

That will not be all; our conversational actions like the throwing of our hands in the air to express surprise, aggression or despair will give way to verbal expressions like, ‘THIS’ – Throwing Hands In Surprise. Our many facial expressions will give way to things like ‘MWOIS’ – Mouth Wide Open In Shock and many more. So don’t be surprised if very soon, you begin to see two people engaged in an flat conversation, where you don’t hear a shout, a moan; you don’t see an action, a facial expression and so on. I believe that time is coming where in a conversation, you will hear someone say (motionlessly and expressionlessly): ‘I am LOLling’ or pronounce the letters ‘OMG’ to convey his mood. I can almost imagine a situation where someone in an apparent expression of pain simply says (without action or facial expression) ‘FCIP’ – Face Contorted In Pain!

Charlie! Oh hooo! Where are we running to?

Rising up on the mourning after…

   Guest Blogger: Christabel Ewuradjoa Dadzie

The whole week was filled with tension. I could barely sleep on Thursday night; I was totally anxious and elated (all at once) about Friday’s quarterfinal match between Ghana and Uruguay. For some strange reason, I was one of the few (maybe not) who were very afraid of the Uruguay team… so the game started. I didn’t express my lack of faith because we needed only positive energy for the Black Stars – the entire Continent was rooting for us, but deep down, my stomach churned, it almost ached. The first 15 minutes proved me right, the Uruguayans had the ball all the time, the Black Stars barely touched the ball for more than 5 secs, and when they did they didn’t do very much with it. Emmanuel who sat next to me, whispered, “they will settle shortly, don’t worry” and settle they did! For the rest of the game, up until extra time, the Black Stars pressed on, showed determination, drive, and strove for excellence… to the very last minute. I have never in my lifetime seen a Ghana Black Stars team play until the very end like this team did. Even when the Maestro Abedi Pele led our team, we would usually give up right around the 87^th minute and leave fate to do its own thing. That had always been my problem with our footballers, and with our country, for that matter. But this was different. These guys were spirited – they were on FIRE!  They wouldn’t take no for us, they wouldn’t let the pundits have their way – the so called young and inexperienced lads pressed on and hit the ball at the post three times in three seconds, until it entered the net (or did it) in the last attempt and our wonderful opponents decided to deliberately stop it with their hands (for a second the game switched to volley ball).

Blame Asamoah Gyan all you like for our almost-win, or be like me and blame the coach who took Inkoom out of the game instead of Kojo Asamoah, or better yet, John Mensah, our dear captain, who totally shrunk at the penalty spot – the last shot that could have kept us in the game… or the referee, but let’s save that story for another day. More importantly, there is so much to learn from Ghana’s run at the World Cup. If only our country will pay attention to what just happened to us and follow suite, we’ll go very far.

The Black Stars lost their star player Michael Essien, had many players injured and were beaten mercilessly during our friendly matches prior to the World Cup. Right there and then, the most human thing would be to show up, play decent games, or pretty much give up because of a “young and inexperienced” team! But they pressed on. Game 1: Ghana-Serbia (we played the best team Serbia has had in the last 10-15 years, as my Serbian friend proudly told me)… and guess what, we won! Game 2: Ghana-Australia – we drew. I was upset! I thought we’d be out, same with Ghana-Germany (but as Emmanuel rightfully explained mathematics took us forward). Our game with Germany was superb! The guys picked up their game (the last time we met Germany, they beat us 6-1 and many of us Ghanaians were afraid of a round 2 episode of the “Bochum disaster”). Then we got to the crucial stages, and our game got even better. We pressed on, we believed in ourselves, we carried the mantle that other African countries had dropped and went on and on and on to the very last - 120^th minute of the Quarter Final game.

Fellow Ghanaians, I need not belabor the point I’m making here. It is quite clear – while the Black Stars made mistakes along the way (which all humans do), they pressed on and on… and on – even when Asamoah missed the penalty, within minutes he was back to kick again! If only we would live our everyday lives in the same manner as the Ghana Blacks Stars 2010 have done, our country would be a very different place. My charge to everyone – let’s wake up each morning and tell ourselves “today has been given to me to press on and on… and on for my Country and Continent”; “I am alive today to give my quota to Mother Ghana because I am hers and she is mine, so I will work with every fiber in my being”. From the Scientists to Street Sellers, from the Ministers to Masons, if we are determined, our mistakes won’t keep us down; If we have drive and strive for excellence, our setbacks will turn into set ups. We can do this as a nation – let’s take ownership and pride in our country day-in, day-out, and reap the fruits of our own labor.

As I cry myself to sleep, since like all Ghanaians, I wanted a win and nothing less, I still have a lot of admiration for these players and choose to see the good in what happened. Thank you Black Stars, you’ve made us proud in 2010, and more importantly you’ve taught the entire nation a big lesson that, if practiced, will ensure that Ghana becomes the true beacon of Africa.

God Bless the Black Stars and God bless our homeland Ghana.

My name is Barwuah. Barwuah Balotelli.

Good morning my fellow Ghanaians. As you can all see from the colour of my skin, the shape of my head and my Asante-looking forehead, I am as much a Ghanaian as all of you are. Before I begin, let me make it clear that my name is Barwuah, Kofi Barwuah. Forget about all the talk in Media Italia that I am dying to be Italian. Do any of you think it is possible to change the colour of my skin or change this short and hard hair of mine into soft, long locks like my brothers in Rome? Sorry, did I say brothers? I meant, my neighbours in Rome? I’m sure you all agree with me that, that will impossible unless I am Michael Jackson (May his soul rest in peace).

So please, my fellow countrymen do not accept that long and boring talk in the media; they need to sell information by using me as a bait to get you into buying. How wrong they are. They don’t know that Ghanaians (and I am a proud one) are not gullible (is that the right word?). They don’t know that you are a very discerning group of people who are able to read in between the lines and find the truth for yourselves. They don’t know that Mari…sorry…Barwuah Balotelli is loved and cherished by all Ghanaians. Tell them; my brothers, tell them!

Forgive me my fellow countrymen for I should have held this press conference a long time ago. I haven’t been able to do so until now because so many things have happened to me. You know some of them because they were reported all over the world. For instance, you heard that I, a proud Ghanaian declined to play for Ghana and instead opted to play for Italy. It is not true. Ah, Ghanaians paa, how can I do such a thing? How can I shame my motherland in this untoward manner? Let me tell you that, I have still not received any call to play for Ghana and I have a reason for saying this.

On 7 August 2007, a white man; I think his name is Claude Le Roy or so approached me to play for Guyana. As far as I was concerned, I was Ghanaian and did not see why I should play for Guyana; besides, I thought that the national coach of Ghana would be as black as I am. Later, my agent informed me that Mr. Claude Le Roy was actually the national coach of my country Ghana. That got me confused. I had all the time been under the impression that Mr. Le Roy was from Guyana. My agent would confirm that when I realized my mistake (was it really my mistake?), I felt very sorry and did not eat for about a week. So I want to say here again that I am ready at any time to play for Ghana (they are called the Black Skins right?).

Countrymen, you can imagine my joy when I saw the Ghana team play such classic football in the on-going World Cup. I told my friends in Palermo not to be surprised; they should just look at my skills and ability and understand why Ghana is doing so well. As for the Azzurris, I knew they wouldn’t get anywhere in the World Cup. In fact that is why I don’t even want to play for them. I understand that Kevin-Prince Boateng like me had also lived abroad for a very long time. It was nice to see him play so well with the Ghana team, that’s the spirit, my brother, that’s the spirit! The Ghana team has good players in all departments of the game. Interestingly, my brother, Gian’s goal against USA reminded me of a similar goal I scored against Juventus; no wonder we both come from the same home region in Ghana.

I think that Ghana should have scored so many goals in this World Cup. We have missed so many chances that every time I watch the replays, I scream and shout ‘buei! Buei! This is why I am ready to play for Ghana. When I come into the Ghana team, no scoring chance will elude us, God forbid! I will score from the centre, corner, free-kick spots and even from your much preferred penalty spot. Give me the call up into the Ghana team and leave the goals to me; you will not regret. You have also heard that I am quick tempered and I might throw my jersey on the ground and step on it! Me? Aaah! I will never do such a thing! Imagine me in the all-white Ghana jersey, how nice I would look and you think I will remove that beautiful shirt and step on it? For what purpose, if I may ask? Please forget about all that talk and concentrate on the goals I will score for Ghana.

I’m sure you have also heard from Jose Mourinho that I don’t like training and other things. I think that was a slip from Jose. Look, I train and train very hard okay! How could I have scored all those goals if I don’t train? See, if I didn’t train, how could I have scored in the final of the Copper Italiana when I had come on as a substitute for a player like Luis Figo? If I didn’t train, how could i have scored two goals against no mean a team like Juventus in the quarter final of the Copper Italiana? Listen to me, I will drink Milo in the morning, afternoon and evening and train hard with the team okay!

My fellow Ghanaians, please accept me back into the team. Forget about all you’ve heard and be assured that from now on, Kofi Barwuah is ready to play for Ghana. Even if its not too late, I would like to appeal to the FA to let me join the rest of the team in camp, who knows, I could get my first World Cup medal. Thank you very much and see you all soon.

Signed, Kofi Barwuah Balotelli

(Proud citizen of the beloved Guya…sorry…Ghana)